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Emotions
For some patients, the experience of infertility can be a major life crisis. It can profoundly affect how you view yourself and often comes as an unwelcome shock. On tests that measure levels of stress cause by events in your life, infertility—if acknowledged as a major stressor—would get a 10. Unfortunately, it is usually not acknowledged. This lack of recognition of the stress that infertility can cause you and your loved ones, may exacerbate your own pain and introduce feelings of loneliness. It seems the world provides little support for individuals with fertility problems, nor are there social rituals to mark the losses people experience from infertility.
Every person will cope with the challenge of infertility and the accompanying stress differently. Crying, withdrawing or remaining stoic, praying, talking with others who have experienced the same pain, researching infertility are all common reactions to stress. Others will seek out counseling, join an American Fertility Association, or other local support group or take a stress reduction class. There is no right or wrong approach. If you have a partner, she or he may take very different path than you through the experience of infertility.
Some people do find, usually once the infertility experience is resolved, that they did take away some positive experiences. Some feel that it made them stronger as individuals or as a couple. Some feel they gain an empathy for the suffering of others with challenging medical experiences. Some gain lasting friendships as they with others from their support groups, or those they turned to for support. Many learn that they must figure out how to cope with the feelings of loss of control that comes with experiencing infertility or recurrent miscarriage. If successful, many gain a greater appreciation for something others may take for granted: their children.
Symptoms of Depression
Most fertility patients will experience at least one of these symptoms at some point in time.
- Feelings of emptiness or extreme sadness
- Loss of interest and motivation to do regular activities
- Increased level of anxiety
- Decreased level of energy
- Difficulty sleeping or sleeping more than is usual for you
- Difficulty concentrating
- Abnormal weight loss or gain
- Obsessive thinking about your infertility
- Feelings of isolation from friends and family
- Persistent feelings of anger
- Persistent feelings of inadequacy, or worthlessness
- Thoughts of death, suicidal thoughts or attempts
Please talk to your fertility doctor or seek help from a mental health professional if you are feeling a number of these symptoms over a prolonged period of time.
Support
At PFC we recognize the importance of having your feelings and emotions about infertility validated. We understand this is a very emotionally and physically challenging time.
Taking this into account, we use a holistic approach to patient care at Pacific Fertility Center. In addition to helping you form a personal relationship with your physician, we strive to minimize your physical discomforts, address your emotional concerns, and decrease the disruptive effect your care may have on your life.
We care about you. We are here to recognize and meet your needs in a variety of ways.
- Our doors are open every day of the year.
- One of our physicians can always be reached.
- We encourage you to speak freely to us about your frustrations and concerns.
- We provide you with the opportunity to seek professional guidance from our in-house marriage and family therapist who specializes in helping individuals affected by infertility.
- We provide you with referrals to qualified counselors in your area if necessary.
Coping Suggestions from Peggy Orlin, MFT
For most, if not all, infertility is a time of enormous stress and struggle. During this time many of us put off taking a new job, going back to school or any of a myriad of other decisions that get relegated to the back burner while pursuing pregnancy. Making a life becomes our life.
In order to feel as good as possible during your infertility experience, you will need to develop some good coping skills.
Coping is "developing the ability to manage in a difficult situation."
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Give up any and all feelings of guilt. It is very likely that you did nothing to cause or deserve this. Guilt is a hindrance to healing.
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Remind yourself that there is no right or wrong way to experience infertility. Your feelings may run the gamut from indifference to intense anger to despair or to in between.
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Chose the gatherings you attend carefully. If being around children or babies upsets you, gracefully decline invitations to events where they are likely to be present. Know your limits and stick with them.
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Continue to get moderate amounts of exercise. Eat healthily and get plenty of rest. You will feel better if you treat your body with care.
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Reach out to childfree friends. Their company will be adult-focused.
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Think of non-child centered rituals. Take a vacation. Eat at a fancy restaurant.
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Shop from catalogs or the internet. You will avoid mall madness.
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Attend religious services at the time when there will be the least number of children. Or attend on a university campus, as those services tend to be more adult-focused.
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Volunteer at a nursing home or homeless shelter. It may help to help others who are having a difficult time.
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Plan for how you will answer uninvited questions about when you're going to have children. Remember, you are not required to tell them your entire "story!"
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Communicate with your partner to let him/her know of your feelings. Even if you and your partner are feeling differently it may help to share. If you are single, call a friend with whom you feel safe to share your feelings.
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Meet and talk with others who are experiencing similar feelings. Finding that you are not alone helps. We cannot emphasize this enough
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Talk to your PFC physician if you are feeling stressed out. It's important for your medical team to know what you are going through.
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Learn stress reduction techniques. At best, they may help you get pregnant and, at least, they will help you to feel better while you are in the process.
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Seek out a professional counselor if you have symptoms of depression for more than two weeks.
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Join us at our Mind/Body@PFC Weekend Workshops. Call 415-834-3000 for more information regarding fees and registration.
Use whichever suggestions seem helpful to you. Do what feels right for you.
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